Expectations 2

I wanted to say a few more things about expectations and how they influence what we do. Expectations develop over time based on our experiences both positive and negative. Sometimes we are well aware of our biases and at other times we are not aware of why we might do or say things. Expectations effect our beliefs and values and most of all our relationships. I guess to me that is one of the most important aspects of expectations that can either build or destroy. We are studying the Gospel of Matthew and we were discussing the passage when Jesus asked his disciples who do you think I am? Peter responds "You are the Messiah, the Son of God." Shortly thereafter as Jesus was telling the disciples that he was going to Jerusalem to be killed, Peter tries to prevent him doing so. Peter even though acknowledging that Jesus was the Messiah, his expectations prevented him from seeing what Jesus had to do. In so doing, it affected the relationship he had with Christ.
When I was a therapist, there countless times that people would come in because of relationship problems that dealt with their expectations they had regarding the other person. Often these expectations were never voiced and because of that certain assumptions were made that when brought to the light were not true. One major one was that if you loved me you would know what I want even though I have never told you. Another expectation is certain roles within the relationship. I know that in my marriage there were assumptions and expectations that I had regarding Nancy and vice verse. Again when those expectations were not met, it often ended up in an argument. Thankfully we learned together ways of voicing our expectations and opening ourselves to the possibility of changing those.
Expectations are part of any relationship not just intimate ones. Think about one's expectations regarding a doctor, a boss, a co-worker, another family member, etc. It even happens in the church. Expectations lead to judgement about what is right and wrong. If you ever had the experience of meeting someone and within a few seconds make a snap judgement about that person, expectations and anticipation is present. Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is not true. That is why it is so important to be willing to openly talk about one's feelings and judgements rather than making assumptions about the person. It is when we are able to communicate those that we are able to rise above our assumptions. That means talking to the person directly and not through another person. Sometimes we do need a mediator who helps guide a person in the process but not to involve that person as a go-between which seldom works well.
The example that we have as a church is what Jesus has taught. Again from the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus stated that if someone has sinned against you, you are to go to that person and to try to reconcile and restore one's relationship directly. If that does not work than to have another go with you. The purpose is not to say who is right or who is wrong but to reconcile relationships. To do that it helps to be aware of one's own expectations and assumptions.